i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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