i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize