Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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