gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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