can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
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haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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