Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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