Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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