I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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