He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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