Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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