im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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