their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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