anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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