Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
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it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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