Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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