The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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