Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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