Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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