A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
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So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
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I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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