went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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