Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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