saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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