So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
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we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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