Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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