can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just want nice things and good sex
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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