This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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