Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize