id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
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All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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