I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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