he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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