the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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