he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
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This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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