I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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