I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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