umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize