I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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