My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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