aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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