I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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