maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize