I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize