Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I enjoy the company of your penis
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