ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
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Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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