It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I intend to get homeless drunk
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
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The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
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Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I party with great urgency now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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