so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
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Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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