I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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