even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize