Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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