I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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