i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize